


save a horse

by glazedsun



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Hijinks & Shenanigans, Honeymoon, Horses, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 10:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19810492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedsun/pseuds/glazedsun
Summary: “I. AM. GOING. TO. CASTRATE. YOU. TITO!” Mat suddenly yells, cutting through the sound of waves crashing, as his horse breaks into a canter, sending up a shower of water.At that, Tito throws his head back in laughter, clutching the reins of his own horse so he doesn’t fall off into the water. He really shouldn’t be laughing; Mat really does look like he wants to murder someone.or,mat and tito are on their honeymoon, and it's tito's turn to pick the activity. mat is less than pleased. chirping ensues.





	save a horse

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by deja, who gave me the prompt and i just ran with it. maybe a little bit too much, but here we are, pure ridiculousness.
> 
> there's plenty of chirping, lots of swearing, and a little bit of (half-serious) dirty talk thrown in.
> 
> as usual, if you are or know anyone in this fic, please don't read on, it's a work of fiction, etc!!

The season hadn’t exactly ended the way that any of them wanted. They spent so much time during the year proving everyone wrong that thought they couldn’t succeed without JT, that it felt like they just... were going somewhere. They followed that up by really proving people wrong and going on to sweep the Penguins in the first round... only to get swept in the next. 

It was an abrupt end, one that none of them had seen coming. It was like... a firecracker, that just fizzled out before it could get to that big boom. 

If the season was a disappointment, at least the summer hasn’t been. Last summer had been a whirlwind of activity, but Vegas... Vegas had been special. 

After the awards, Tito had proposed, figuring Mat would probably want to wait and have a big, elaborate ceremony. Instead, Mat (probably riding the high of the evening) suggested they go elope. 

Who was Tito to say no to Mat Barzal, the kid who’d just won the Calder? 

After that, summer passed in a blur of charity events, promo events, and time split between his and Mat’s friends. All of that meant that they never got a real, proper honeymoon. 

With the hype of the Calder win gone, it left them with plenty of time to take a nice, long honeymoon around the Caribbean. 

They’ve been in Jamaica for two days now, spending a lot of time drinking and swimming. As fun as that was, Tito decided that they needed to actually explore the island before they left. 

All of that led to this very moment. At this very moment, they were on horseback, feet dragging through the water as their horses followed the path through the ocean. 

“I. AM. GOING. TO. CASTRATE. YOU. TITO!” Mat suddenly yells, cutting through the sound of waves crashing, as his horse breaks into a canter, sending up a shower of water. 

At that, Tito throws his head back in laughter, clutching the reins of his own horse so he doesn’t fall off into the water. He really shouldn’t be laughing; Mat really does look like he wants to murder someone. 

But it’s just... well, it’s fucking hysterical. Somehow, with all the horses on the farm, Mat (who, it turns out, is not quite _afraid_ of horses the same way he is dogs, just uncomfortable around them... though that might change) managed to get the horse that has his personality. The horse is headstrong, spirited, and holy fuck is it determined to make its own way. It also has pretty spectacular hair and seems to love shaking its mane to show that off. Not that Mat would ever do such a thing. 

Tito values his balls, so he’s not going to tell Mat that he’s been filming chunks of the ride, especially the moment when Mat first realized the horses were going to be riding directly in the water. 

That video, as their horses descended into deeper and deeper water, was just a string of some of the most creative cursing that Tito has ever heard, nonsense in mixed English and French. 

This was, hands down, Tito’s greatest idea ever. 

A few moments later, the trail leader from the front manages to calm Mat’s horse down, keeping them all to a steady trot. Once Mat’s horse seems to settle down for the moment, Tito urges his on just enough to keep pace next to Mat. 

“You know you’re punishing yourself too if you castrate me, right?” Tito teases, that little bit of smug that he knows always gets Mat going. 

“I have toys,” Mat snaps, glaring at Tito, but there’s no real heat there. At least, Tito hopes not. 

Tito rolls his eyes, snickering. “Not the same.” 

“Arrogant prick,” Mat mutters, but Tito can also see some of the tension in Mat’s shoulders loosen with their familiar method of flirting. 

“I’ll put that prick in you later, don’t worry.” 

It takes everything in Tito not to laugh out loud at the half-scandalized, half-aroused look that is on Mat’s face. “You’re fucking ridiculous,” Mat finally laughs. 

And of course, at that moment, Mat’s horse decides to veer into a little bit deeper water, making Mat yelp and Tito burst out into a new round of laughter. 

Oh, this is just too perfect. Anthony Beauvillier, you are an absolute fucking genius. 

“This horse hates me,” Mat groans through gritted teeth, his knuckles white from holding the reins so tightly. 

“Pretty sure you and the horse are the same soul, actually,” Tito shrugs. “He reminds me of you.” 

“Well I am hung like a horse.” It’s Tito’s turn to snort, rolling his eyes at his husband. It’s how he knows that Mat isn’t actually mad at him. 

“You’re both brats,” Tito corrects him, laughing at Mat’s offended look. “Oh, don’t even try to deny it.” 

Mat turns to give Tito his best sweet and innocent look. “I have never,” he says, dramatically fanning himself as if scandalized for effect. 

“Right,” Tito pretends to agree, but reaches down to splash water at Mat, who glares at Tito in return. 

“Knock it off up there,” the guide from further behind them yells. They both have the decency to look properly chastised and calm down some... for the moment. 

For a little while, they mostly behave. Mat’s horse seems content to keep the pace with everyone else, so Tito doesn’t really have a lot of material to work with to tease Mat. (Okay, that’s a lie. He has a lifetime worth of material to tease Mat with. When he retires, he’s going to write a book titled _Mathew_ _Barzal_ _: He’s Really Not as Cool as He Thinks He Is._ But in that moment, with the horses, he’s content to just ride and chat with Mat.) 

Until, that is, a bird swoops down to catch a fish nearby. It startles Mat more than it startles his horse, but this sets off a chain of events. Mat jumps in his saddle, nearly falling off the side of the horse. As he does so, the horse shies in the opposite direction, making Mat lean even further to the side. 

“Oh my god, it’s just a bird,” Tito laughs as Mat tries to right himself and regain control of his horse. 

Mat turns and glares at Tito. “Easy for you to say. You’ve never had one rip a Cheeto right out of your hand and almost punch you in the face with its wing.” 

Tito stares at Mat for a moment before laughing even harder. “Please tell me someone else saw that happen.” 

“I refuse to disclose that information,” Mat says primly, chin up in the air as he urges his horse further, to get away from Tito. 

“I’ll find out!” Tito calls up, laughing and shaking his head. 

“In your dreams!” Mat yells, making Tito laugh even harder, especially as he imagines the look that Mat must have had on his face. 

“Animals really don’t like you, huh?” 

Mat huffs, scratching the back of his neck with his middle finger, so that only Tito could see. “Most animals like me plenty. They just love to torture me.” 

“I wonder if they talk about it,” Tito muses, picturing it in his head. “Like that scene in _Lady and the Tramp_.” 

“The spaghetti scene?” Mat asks, looking over at Tito in confusion. 

TIto rolls his eyes. “No, you idiot. When all the dogs are howling and passing a message along. I wonder if the animals are all like oh Barzy’s here, let’s play some pranks on him!” 

“Why is your life a Disney movie,” Mat deadpans. 

“If my life was a Disney movie, we wouldn’t be having sex.” 

“Where do you think all the babies come from?!” 

Tito makes a face at that, glaring at Mat. “I do not want to think about that! Stop ruining my childhood!” 

Mat shrugs. “You’re the one who brought up sex, dingbat.” 

It takes everything in Tito not to reach over and shove Mat off his horse and into the water. If they weren’t on a fancy trail ride with a large group of people... oh then it would be on. But he wants the lunch that was promised for when they got to their destination. 

“You’re still annoying.” 

“You married me,” Mat retorts, smug again. 

Tito rolls his eyes. “Not sure why. You’re a menace.” 

“My ass,” Mat says, smirking over his shoulder at Tito, who really wishes he had something to throw at Mat right about now. 

“Your one redeeming feature,” Tito replies, laughing when Mat squacks in protest. “Okay, okay, you’re right. Your dick is pretty nice, too.” 

“Thank you,” Mat nods, straightening his back just a little, making Tito laugh harder. 

“Welcome, my love.” 

“You’re the best, honey bunches of oats.” Tito raises an eyebrow. “Bet these horses like oats.” 

Mat turns to face Tito, blinking slowly once, twice, and then just turns away from him, apparently not even feeling the need to acknowledge Tito’s comment. 

“You’re no fun,” Tito whines. 

“I’ll be fun later when it matters,” Mat replies, wiggling his eyebrow. Tito blows Mat a kiss, and they both laugh. 

Later, when they get back to their hotel, Tito finds himself being pushed against the door. “You owe me big time, you fucking asshole,” Mat growls into his ear, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. 

Two could play at this game, though. Tito wasn’t giving in that easily. He merely smirks, pushing Mat away from him. “You had fun!!” He bounces off to the bathroom, leaving a seething Mat behind. Tito can hear Mat muttering to himself, and can’t help but laugh as he strips down to get in the shower and wash the salt water from his body. 

He’s a little confused when Mat doesn’t follow him in, and really at that point should have known that something was up. It’s rare Mat turns down a chance for a shower blowjob. 

He doesn’t really think about it, though, and just quickly rinses off, becoming suspicious at just how quiet the room is once the water is shut off. 

That can only mean one thing... trouble. 

Knowing this, he drags time out as long as he can, toweling down and whistling to himself loud enough that he _knows_ Mat can hear him. After wrapping the towel tightly around his waist, he finally makes his way back out into the room. 

_“Fuck,”_ he breathes out as he re-enters the room, nearly dropping his towel in surprise. 

Mat is laying naked on a towel on their bed, on his stomach with his face to the headboard. He’s fucking around on his phone, trying to look nonchalant, but his back is arched beautifully and his legs are bent up, teasing Tito with an only occasional view of Mat’s ass. 

Mat turns around and gives Tito a shit-eating grin. “Oh, hi.” 

“Hi,” Tito rolls his eyes, making sure Mat’s eyes were still on him when he dropped his towel. He smirks to himself at the way Mat’s eyes darkened. He walked over to their suitcases, pulling on a pair of boxers, feeling Mat’s eyes on him. “What should we do for dinner?” He asks, trying to act like he’s not at all affected by the sight on the bed. 

“You could eat my ass,” Mat says, casual as can be because he’s a fucking dickhead. Tito drops his shirt, then quickly recovers and pulls the shirt back on before turning back to the bed. 

Tito raises an eyebrow at Mat, retorting, “I was thinking seafood would be good.” 

Because he’s not just a dickhead, he’s also a fuckwad, Mat arches his back shamelessly and lowers his legs, giving Tito a full view of that glorious ass. “I suppose I could go for some scallops.” 

Tito narrows his eyes, watching as Mat rolls over, revealing his half-hard dick. God, he’s fucking shameless. “All that because you were thinking about me in the shower, huh?” He nods to Mat’s dick. 

Mat narrows his eyes as well, and Tito can see the calculation going on. He knows that look. It’s the _I don’t want to back down from a challenge, but I also really, really want a good fuck_ look, the one Mat gets when he’s deciding if his pride or his sex drive will win this round. Tito raises his own eyebrow, daring Mat to continue. The silence between them drags on, until Mat finally groans and makes a face. “Fuck me.” 

“What do you say?” Tito teases, making Mat work for it. If he’s not going to drag it out through dinner, first, then he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to make Mat earn it. (You know, more than he already did for being dragged out on a horse and then being dragged all day.) 

“You’re insufferable,” Mat growls, glaring at Tito. 

Tito shrugs. “Guess that means we’re off to dinner.” He bends down to grab a shirt from the floor, tossing it at Mat. 

Tito can practically see the steam coming from Mat’s ears. 

“Ugh, fine,” Mat mutters under his breath before speaking up, “Fuck me, _please_.” 

“Much better,” Tito smiles, walking back over to the bed. “Now, what was that about eating your ass?” 

He can’t help the smug smirk at the way Mat moans, shameless with his desire. Yeah, this is going to be a fun trip. 


End file.
